conflicting information.

I am a researching freak.  I read just about everything ... Books, articles online, message boards, etc.  Especially when it comes to infertility, I want to be as knowledgable as possible.

I'm also susceptible to trying anything and everything to make sure this upcoming IVF cycle works.  Obviously there are no guarantees, but I'm one who will fall into the trap of any recommendation or suggestion that something specific will help my chances.  You say eating a pomegranate a day will have me ovulating in no time?  I'll do it.

Part of this approach is that I'm afraid if IVF doesn't work that I will find a way to blame myself.  If I didn't exercise properly in preparation for IVF and it fails, it will be my fault.  If I drank too many glasses of wine during this waiting period and IVF fails, it will be my fault.  If I didn't do acupuncture in the 12 weeks leading up to IVF and it fails, it will be my fault.

Totally irrational, but I know myself.  And that's exactly what I'll do.

So like I've said before, I'm exercising and eating "right" and getting the acupuncture.  I'm not drinking alcohol.  I don't use tobacco or any other drugs.  I've gained a couple of pounds of cushion because a former doctor told me that fat helps with estrogen production.

Maybe it's all ridiculous, maybe it's all for nothing.  But I don't know either way.

So in my quest for all of the information so that I can make informed decisions about my health and well-being during this wait period, I have stumbled across a TON of info.  Maybe even all of the information ... as I intended to find.

The problem is that so much of it is conflicting.  One study suggests women consume full-fat dairy products.  Another says women should stay away from dairy products.  One article says higher IVF pregnancy rates were found in women who took a gluten-free approach.  Other nutritional suggestions say to eat lots of whole grains.  One site will tell you to exercise daily, another will tell you to take it easy.  What the hell?!

My acupuncturist has made diet suggestions based on my specific issues.  She says that because I suffer from blood stagnation (Chinese medicine's diagnosis of an imbalance that causes endometriosis), I should eat warm foods.  They should all be cooked -- no raw vegetables.  I should drink warm drinks.  I should avoid wheat, dairy, and sugar.  I should eat a lot of leafy greens, high-protein foods, and fruits.  Makes sense...

I will gladly do all of that.  But is it true?  What about the studies that claim the opposite?  What if one way is detrimental, but I don't know which way that is?  What if I take the wrong approach?

By now you've all come to the conclusion that I'm a crazy person.  And I am.  But what do I do?  I'm the biggest worrier on the planet, and I have the best intentions.  This is my one shot, and I don't want to blow it.

Do I eat what I want within reason?  Do I allow myself the ice cream?  Do I keep eating pastas and whole grain breads?  Do I ditch the dairy?

(Don't even get me started on all of the meth-heads and processed-food junkies out there who are popping out babies like crazy.)

Ugh.

do what you gotta do.

As we enter this less-than-three-months wait period before we begin IVF, my husband and I are really committing to being as healthy as possible.  It takes about three months for an egg to mature and for sperm to develop, so it's important that in the three months leading up to an in vitro treatment the couple do what they can to make healthy, nutritious choices.

There's really no explanation for why one IVF cycle works and another doesn't.  Just like there's no explanation for why a girl who uses recreational drugs, eats only processed foods, and hasn't exercised in years gets pregnant ASAP while a fit and healthy girl struggles with infertility.  Sometimes I feel ridiculous for going to extremes in trying to be as healthy as possible -- devotion to daily exercise, lots of fruits and vegetables, not a drop of alcohol, not a drop of caffeine, etc. -- for a perceived better shot at pregnancy.  I mean, can that really make a difference?  We've all been to WalMart, and everyone seems pretty fertile there...  In fact, most of my friends, family, and acquaintances haven't even had to consider their fitness level or diet habits and have gotten pregnant no problem.

I don't know why any of this works the way it does.  What I do know is that there is so much working against me that is completely out of my control.  If I can focus on the things I can control and make healthy choices for my body and my mental/emotional/spiritual wellbeing, then I should.  Because what's it going to hurt?

At the end of this process, I will either have a baby or a negative result.  If I am so fortunate as to be pregnant, I want to know that I made really smart choices for my baby and me and that I've created an environment that will hopefully be as healthy as possible for my child.  If I don't come out of this pregnant, I need to know that I did everything I could.  I don't want to end up obsessing over the choices I made and what they might have meant for the outcome.

So that's what I have in mind when I make choices each day.  That doesn't mean I don't eat anything I actually like, because I do.  But I try to eat a lot of fresh fruits and veggies, organic eggs, whole grains, and good proteins.  I allow myself to indulge in ice cream (because this isn't a time to lose weight), but I choose ice creams that use only natural ingredients.  I don't drink alcohol.  Not at all.  I refuse caffeine and instead drink a lot of water.  I go for runs and walks daily.  And I feel really good for all of these reasons.

My next step in doing all that I can to help this IVF stuff work is to see an acupuncturist.  I've read a lot of articles and studies that link IVF successes and acupuncture.  Do people get pregnant after IVF if they haven't used acupuncture?  Sure.  Do some people go the acupuncture route and not get pregnant? Definitely.  But I'm going to try it.  And if nothing else, I hope I get some quality relaxation and mind-clearing quiet out of the deal.

I'm going to do what I can to put myself in the best possible situation for in vitro to work.  It's all I want, so I'm not going to waste my shot at this.

Here's to hoping it works.