sex drive.

This post might be a little personal, but it's another glorious aspect of this infertility struggle.

Infertility and the treatments that go along with it rob you of so many of the joys of life.  Sanity?  Gone.  Emotional stability?  Non-existent.  Sense of humor?  Only sometimes there.  Confidence?  Shot.  Happiness and joy for others?  You have to try really, really hard.  Energy levels?  Particularly low.  Sex drive?  Apparently not so great either.

Throughout my Lupron injections and pseudo-menopause experience, after surgery and various medications, even through hot flashes and headaches -- I never really lost my sex drive.  I kept waiting for it, because I was told it might be a problem.  But it never went away, and I was thankful because that was one thing that went easy on my marriage.

But now I'm off the Lupron, my hormones are elevated again, I get my period, I've exited menopause... and I have no sex drive.  I'm on birth control pills to regulate my hormones and my cycle, and all I can tell myself to explain it is that my body has finally been put through hell -- why would I want to have sex?  My hormones went from not existing to being way up there in a matter of a month.  My body has been poked and prodded.  I take medications meant for people with different problems and diseases, and so I feel sluggish and exhausted.  Very low-energy.

I've gained a little weight in hopes that it will help with IVF, and even though it's not much, it doesn't quite feel like me.  I'm not as motivated.  I'm tired.

My husband continues to be supportive and understands that my body has been through a lot.  But something like this is bound to affect a relationship.  Just like everything else -- every other aspect of this crazy experience -- it's something we have to get through together.

If nothing else, these dry spells will help prepare him for the wait time before his IVF specimen is taken.  :)  The silver lining?